Learning on the job

When I became a Mom 4 and 1/2 years ago I had NO idea what I was doing. I legitimately had never changed a diaper in my life until Kate was born. My google cache’ the first two months of Kate’s life was nothing short of terrifying/hilarious and she pretty much only wore a diaper for her first few weeks of life because I did not know how to put clothes on a tiny human. I remember going to Kate’s one month check-up at the pediatrician (for which she received the best bath of her life) and when Clint asked me how it went afterwards my response was “They didn’t say anything about CPS or taking her away from us….so good, I guess?”

Becoming a Mom was/is the most terrifying and surreal experience of my life thus far. Sometimes I look in the rearview mirror in my van (cool is gone forever) and think “there is no way all of these small kids belong to me.” Turns out, they do.

So here is my not so sage advice for anyone about to become a mother, thinking about it, or for those that are overwhelmed by it…if I can do this, you can too. Here’s the things that make it possible:

  1. Coffee. This is real. I seriously have NO idea how non coffee drinkers function in society. I’d say my intake went up 150% upon having children.
  2. Jesus. Because I don’t have the love/patience/selflessness required to take care of someone 24/7, but he does.
  3. A smart phone with google. Everybody needs some web MD to reassure them that if their baby hasn’t pooped for 4 days that it isn’t going to start coming out their ears or something.
  4. One medical professional in your circle that can tell you off the books that it is just a rash and not the Ebola virus or malaria. (This will also save you a bundle)
  5. The assurance that everybody else is as clueless as you are. Being a parent has made me realize that even though I thought my parents knew what they were doing when I was growing up, they were just making it up as they went along like I am. If someone you know thinks they have it all together and knows how to be the perfect Mom they are LYING to themselves and you. I’ve come to the conclusion in my life that if you think you have your sh!% together then we have NOTHING in common and nothing to talk about.
  6. They don’t remember anything before they are 4 (at least in long-term memory). So if your baby cries it out for 20 minutes while you are in the shower or attempting to take a nap yourself they WILL NOT be able to talk to their therapist about it when they are 30! This is what I tell myself on rough days at least.
  7. Have an outlet that involves no children. Whether that is nights out with friends, going on long runs, bible studies that have childcare, etc. I have become a distance runner purely because no one is touching me when I am running.

 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Learning on the job”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s